| Type | Convenience Store Chain |
| Location | USA and India |
| Owner(s) | The "Master" |
| Featured in | The Simpsons |
- “Thank you, come again!”
- ―Kwik-E-Mart service
The Kwik-E-Mart Corporation (or just Kwik-E-Mart) is a convenience store chain with stores across India and the USA which are notorious for their less than stellar product quality but are still valued for their convenience and quick service. It originates from the long-running 1989 animated television series The Simpsons where it served as the most recurring convenience store in the show's setting of Springfield.
Overview
The world's first convenience store, Kwik-E-Mart HQ
The Kwik-E-Mart Corporation was started somewhere in the Himalayas, where the world's first convenience store still stands on a mountain peak where it serves as the company's global headquarters and where the enigmatic founder of the company resides.
The Springfield Kwik-E-Mart
The Kwik-E-Mart chain quickly rose to prominence since its founding, eventually expanding beyond India and making its way into the USA, with the most notable of the Kwik-E-Mart stores eventually being built in Springfield, North Takoma.
Standard Procedure
A Kwik-E-Mart employee following standard procedure by selling a spoiled hotdog
The Kwik-E-Mart Corporation is notorious for its high prices and the poor quality of its merchandise, as most of its food items are expired and tainted with salmonella, especially its under cooked lamp heated hotdogs. The sell of diseased food as bargain deals and the over-inflation of prices beyond their standard rates are simply part of the company's standard procedure rather than the fault of individual employees, as the recycling of said foods and the censoring of their expiration dates likely saves the company money by not having to restock their stores as regularly as they should. As part of the standard procedure, Kwik-E-Mart inspectors have the authority to fire an employee as a scapegoat or sacrificial lamb should said employee be caught in a controversy or if the media becomes aware of an employee selling tainted food, even if said employees were just following company rules.
Nordyne Defense Dynamics
Kwik-E-Mart's parent company is Nordyne Defense Dynamics, a mysterious enterprise whose business or connection to Kwik-E-Mart's CEO is unknown, but they enforce a very strict policy when it comes to shoplifters which its employees are obligated to uphold, even against acquaintances who may only be committing an unintended offense.
Similar Stores
The Shellbyville Speed-E-Mart
Despite the prominent presence of Kwik-E-Mart in the country, Ohio instead has the Stop-O-Mart chain which is also owned by the Kwik-E-Mart franchise. The town of Shellbyville, which is an unusual mirror counterpart to Springfield, also hosts its own convenience store called the Speed-E-Mart, which may also be a part of the Kwik-E-Mart franchise or a copycat competitor.
Staff
President
- “Approach my sons. You may ask me... three questions.”
- ―The Master of Kwik-E-Mart
The "Master", President and CEO of Kwik-E-Mart
The "Master" is the benevolent, enlightened President and CEO of Kwik-E-Mart, running the entire Kwik-E-Mart chain as well as the Stop-O-Mart chain in Ohio. A wise and mysterious guru who resides in the first ever Kwik-E-Mart store in the world high up in a secluded mountain within the Himalayas, the master of Kwik-E-Mart claims to know all and enlightens those who visit his store by allowing them to ask him three questions of their choosing, as long as it is not the combination to the store's safe. Asking more questions of him will result in immediate expulsion from his store. The esteemed president is also the only one with the authority to restore a fired employee to his former position regardless of past transactions.
Springfield Kwik-E-Mart employee Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, who at the time had been fired from his job, once sought out the legendary president with his friend and top customer Homer Simpson in the hopes of restoring his lost position, making a long pilgrimage across India in the hopes of having an audience with the master. Sadly, his questions for the president were wasted due to the incompetence of Homer Simpson, who had a hard time believing the guru was truly the head of Kwik-E-Mart. Luckily, Apu was able to get his job back thanks to actor, James Woods.
Inspectors
- “It's also standard procedure to blame any problems on a scapegoat or sacrificial lamb.”
- ―Kwik-E-Mart Inspector
A Kwik-E-Mart Inspector and his assistants
The Kwik-E-Mart Inspectors are the Kwik-E-Mart Corporation's official supervisors from headquarters tasked with overseeing select Kwik-E-Marts across the country and making sure that said stores are up to standards and that the employees follow the company's corrupt rules while making sure that said corrupt rules aren't made known to the public. Should an employee be caught following procedures or in some other form of controversy, inspectors have no choice but to fire them in order to use them as "scapegoats" or "sacrificial lambs" so the company can avoid unnecessary controversy caused by their own negligent management.
Managers
- “Oh, yes. It was horrible, I tell you. By the end, I thought I was a hummingbird of some kind. In a few minutes, I try to drink nectar out of Sanjay's head.”
- ―Apu Nahasapeemapetilon on his mentally grueling 96 hour shift
Springfield's Kwik-E-Mart operator, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon is the manager of the Kwik-E-Mart in Springfield who dearly adores his job and the many ups and downs that come with it. A very perky and upbeat individual, Apu greets all of his customers with a smile and friendly phrases so long as they have money. Despite his dedication to his job and customers, Apu is known for selling food of questionable quality, charging unreasonable prices for his goods and easily losing his patience with customers or even doing them harm on occasion, but this behavior is in fact part of Kwik-E-Mart's standard employee protocol which Apu follows faithfully without question and will never question it even for a friend. Because of this, Apu remains the ideal Kwik-E-Mart employee and is always happy to swindle a customer with overpriced goods or take a bullet from local crooks in the line of duty.
Employees
- Sanjay Nahasapeemapetilon - The sales clerk at the Kwik-E-Mart in Springfield and younger brother of Apu, usually seen running the store alongside his brother or running it by himself whenever Apu is absent.
- James Woods - Famous actor who briefly took over as operator of the Springfield Kwik-E-Mart during Apu's brief termination from his job in order to research a role for his next movie. He eventually gave Apu his job back after the latter saved his life and James Woods promptly disappeared to fight aliens on a faraway planet.
Products
Crate-O-Duff
Pork Rinds Lite
Chef Lonely Heart's Soup for One
Chippos
Krispy Chips
- $0.29 Cents Stamp - Price: $1.85
- Assorted Candies
- Bloc Milk
- Candy Milk
- Gummy Wads
- Penny Candy - Price: "Surprisingly Expensive"
- Assorted Fruits most of which are expired
- Assorted Condiments
- Bar-B-Q Chips
- Buzz Cola
- Diet Buzz Cola
- Crystal Buzz Cola
- Chef Lonely Heart's Soup for One
- Cheesy Does It
- Chippos
- Duff Beer
- Duff Beer Suitcase - Price: $12.95
- Fries
- Ice Cream
- Chocolate
- Double Chocolate
- Triple Chocolate
- Krispy Chips
- Krunchy Korns
- Krusty Korporation products
- Krusty-O's
- Krusty Bars
- Krusty Bacon
- Krusty Klump Bars
- Krusty Chips
- Krusty Pork Squeezin's
- Krusty's Non-Narkotik Kough Syrup
- Krusty's All-Purpose Religious Biscuits - They're kosher, too!
- Laramie Cigarettes - Price: $1.10 (pack) and $10.96 (carton)
- Laramie Hi-Tars
- Lady Laramie 100's
- Lard Lad Donuts
- Magazines
- Assorted Pornography
- Bucks
- Cake
- Date
- Entertainment Weekly
- Food
- Fun
- Gigantic Asses
- Jet
- Modern Bride
- Muscle
- Pets
- Playdude
- Slim
- Sports
- TEC World
- Travel
- The Springfield Review
- Microwave Burritos
- Microwave Pizza
- Milk
- Much Ado About Stuffing
- Nachos
- Paper Towels
- Pickles
- Popcorn
- Pork Rinds Lite
- Sea Captain's Chowder Chips
- Salt Doodles
- Seafood Burritos
- Snorfles Chips
- Toilet Paper
- TV Dinners
- Twinkies
Kwik-E-Mart Exclusives
Squishees
Squishee
Squishees are the signature syrupy frozen drink of the Kwik-E-Mart Corporation. Frosty, rich and prone to causing brain freezes as well as near-death experiences, Squishees are by far the best thing about the Kwik-E-Mart and offer a taste sensation and refreshing satisfaction that's unmatched throughout Springfield. Squishees come in a variety of sizes from mini to jumbo and the flavors are even more numerous, ranging between Original, Cherry, Blueberry, Lime Green, Chutney, Mystery Flavor and the ever dangerously experimental All-Syrup Super Squishee which is even more potent than the strongest drinks in the Duff Beer library, letting drinkers live the night of their lives but at the cost of waking up to find themselves in whole new lives if they're not careful.
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Others
- Kwik-E-Mart Heat Lamp Dogs - Kwik-E-Mart's very own brand of poorly lamp heated hotdogs. A wiener every time! Warning: May contain salmonella.
- B.C. Donuts - Kwik-E-Mart's own lamp heated donuts. So stale you could swear they're from B.C..
- Burgers - Price: 2 for $0.99
- Curry Queen - 100% Non-Dairy Shakes.
- Colonel Kwik-E-Mart's Kentucky Bourbon - Delicious bourbon. Brownest of the brown liquors. So tempting…
- Expired Ham - Only a 99% chance of causing salmonella!
- Frank Perfume - Made from the distilled run-off of Heat Lamp Dogs.
- Frozen Shrimp - Not actually frozen.
- Beef Jerky
- Celebrity Jerky Figurines - Collect them all! Available in turkey or meatless.
- Kwik-E No Name Beer Nuts
- Milk Shakes in a Can - Price $0.99
- Salty Snax
- Jackpot Scratch Cards
- Lottery Machine
- Scratch 'n' Win
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Arcade Games
Arcade games
- Escape from Death Row - A side-scrolling prison experience. Play as an inmate on death row fighting for his life against angry cops and determined judges hellbent on sending you to the electric chair.
- Great White Hunter - Fight against the dreaded great white sharks or else find yourself a meal to these undersea denizens.
- Nuke - Experience the digital wonders of a nuclear holocaust.
Mega Kwik-E-Super Store
| Type | Super Market |
| Location | Grassy Knoll, Springfield, NT |
| Owner(s) | Charles Montgomery Burns |
| Featured in | The Simpsons Comics Issue #22 |
- “Hello, kind and loyal customers! Welcome to the latest in convenience shopping technology, you are about to enter a Kwik-E store unlike any that has ever enjoyed your patronage!”
- ―Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
The Mega Kwik-E-Super Store was the pinnacle achievement in the Kwik-E-Mart corporate empire made possible following the brief take over of the Kwik-E-Mart Corporation by Charles Montgomery Burns of Burns Worldwide.
Overview
Burns successfully buys out the Kwik-E-Mart Corporation and makes a new announcement
Things for Kwik-E-Mart began looking grim when C.M. Burns announced that he had officially acquired the rights to the entire Kwik-E-Mart franchise in a hostile take over from The Master, a rather disastrous bit of news that put even Kwik-E-Mart's star employee Apu in a state of terror. Unbeknownst to Apu, every move he was making was now being monitored by Mr. Burns who was greatly impressed by Apu's complete dedication to overworking himself, his disregard for human safety and willingness to recycle rotten food to save on Kwik-E-Mart expenses, the sort of eager, thrifty and corrupt business management that Burns wanted to have take over the Kwik-E-Mart upper management. Burns then had Apu kidnapped and sent directly to his mansion for negotiations, informing Apu that he reminded Burns of himself at that age and made his intent to promote Apu very clear, officially declaring him his new business partner and the head of his soon-to-be-opened "Mega Kwik-E-Super Store", with Burns wanting Apu's trusted face to now serve as the face of this bold new enterprise which would soon be open on Springfield's polluted Grassy Knoll, a deal which Apu eagerly accepted in exchange for some cocktail umbrellas.
Mr. Burns transforms Apu into his perfect protege
With the arrangements set, Mr. Burns began the grueling and evil process of molding Apu into his ideal protege, slowly transforming him into a mirror duplicate who was just as greedy, business savvy and conniving as Burns himself while still being able to channel his former friendly demeanor to continue to promote the new Mega Kwik-E-Super Store. With the reborn Apu and "Uncle Monty" at the helm, the new duo orchestrated a massive grand opening to promote the new store which proved an instant success, drawing in everyone in Springfield from the lowly Simpsons to major local celebrities like Troy McClure.
Features
The many wonders of the Mega Kwik-E-Super Store
The new Mega Kwik-E-Super Store was nothing short of a fantasy extravaganza that was so large that food-shaped vehicles were needed just to travel through the aisles of the palatial supermarket. Countless new attractions and departments had now been added which met the needs of all who visited, with some customers not even wanting to leave and preferring to even die on the premises. Among some notable new departments included:
- A deli section dubbed The Land of Luncheon Meats that was a vast field of acres covered in sandwich ingredients contained in forty-gallon economical drums complete with butter-marshmallow spread.
- A giant Auto Repair Heaven where all possible car parts and automotive needs where met.
- The World of Super-Mega Squishee was a frozen paradise of Squishee flavors which now boasted a whopping 87 unique flavors, including Raita.
- The Liquor Log Cabin where a drunk can find all the liquor of his dreams.
- A fully stocked Jerky Gym.
- A tantalizing Cheese Wheel of Fortune.
- Monty's Medieval Magazine Rack where one can pursue for any magazine imaginable.
- A fully staffed Complaints Department, and by "fully staffed" we mean just one goat to eat any bothersome complaints against Uncle Monty.
Despite all of these grand and wondrous new features, they would all quickly begin to fall apart after a few days as Mr. Burns began finding even more morally corrupt ways to cut on costs now that the blindly loyal customers were hooked, starting by raising prices, reducing employee services and completely eliminating the cleaning crew, turning this once grand palace into a greasy cesspit full of disgruntled employees and customers who couldn't resist the bulk deals despite the obviously terrible service. Things only began to get worse as the store's continued success was now affecting local business like The Frying Dutchman and the Krusty Korporation.
Fall
A restored Apu seeks audience with the Master who has transformed Kwik-E-HQ into a yarn store
To stop the madness and corruption caused by the new Mega Kwik-E-Super Store, Apu's nephew Jamshed took it upon himself to save his uncle from Mr. Burns' brainwashing, personally taking Apu back to the ruins of the old Kwik-E-Mart where all of his old friends were waiting for him to remind him of his former kind self in that, even for all of his cheap tactics in the past, he always found ways to take care of his valued customers and friends. This encouragement successfully snapped Apu out of Burns' influence, making him realize that he had been acting like a 'mega-turkey' and then planned to confront Mr. Burns and force him to shut down the Super Store. However his threats to expose the Super Store's secret toxic waste dump fell on deaf years, forcing Apu to travel to India and seek the wisdom of none-other than the former President and CEO of the Kwik-E-Mart Corporation, the Master himself in hopes that his guidance could restore the Kwik-E-Mart to its former glory.
The Kwik-E-Mart is restored to its former glory
After seeking the Master's council, Apu now had the means to defeat Burns, confronting him and revealing that Burns in his haste had agreed to a secret clause in the contract written in sanskrit which revealed that if Burns did not enforce the most sacred of Kwik-E-Mart rules ("No shirt. No shoes. NO SERVICE!") then all contractual arrangements made between Kwik-E-Mart International and Burns Industries became null and void, with the original deal now having fallen apart after Apu presented evidence of Burns' lazy new mega store staff serving naked customers. With Burns defeated, the mega store closed down and ownership of the Kwik-E-Mart returned to the hands of its former benevolent and enlightened president, and as an added bonus, for violating the contract, Burns and his assistant Smithers were now forced to work at the re-opened Kwik-E-Mart for a period of six eight-hour shifts, a period which Apu took great delight in as he humiliated his former captor.
Trivia
- From July 2007 to early August, convenience store chain 7-Eleven converted 11 of its stores in the United States and one in Canada into Kwik-E-Marts. These 12 locations, as well as the majority of other North American 7-Elevens, sold products found in The Simpsons, such as Buzz Cola, Krusty-O's, Squishees, Lard Lad Donuts and other Simpsons-themed merchandise.
- A real life Kwik-E-Mart was later built in Universal Studios Florida on October 2007 as a gift shop that sold Simpsons memorabilia (clothing, keychains, magnets, pins, toys, cups, skateboards, etc.) as well as food items like Squishees, giant Lard Lad Donuts, Duff energy drinks, Flaming Moe's Energy Drinks, Krusty Klump Bars, Simpsons Gummies, and real brands of beverages and snacks. A second one soon followed in Universal Studios Hollywood.
- A third Kwik-E-Mart gift shop was later built on August 2018 in the Broadway at the Beach shopping center in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina which also sold Buzz Cola, Lard Lad Donuts, and Squishees.
- Kwik-E-Mart's parent company Nordyne Defense Dynamics may be a parody of CyberDyne Systems Corporation.